Saw IISadly, slasher crap-fest “Saw II” took home box office gold over the weekend, proving once again that moviegoers willfully ignore critics in an effort to lower their IQs. And as audiences flocked to their local cineplexes to see the widely panned flick, entertainment journalists were gleefully brainstorming as many puns as the English language would allow. For your eye-rolling pleasure:

Saw II takes biggest cut of box office – Guardian Unlimited
Saw horror sequel slices through Zorro – Globe and Mail
That’s ‘Saw’-some! Chiller nets $30.5M – New York Daily News
‘Saw II’ cuts off ‘Zorro’– Indianapolis Star
‘Saw II’ outduels ‘Zorro’ in a battle of sequels – Boston Globe
‘Saw II’ Slices Up ‘Zorro’ at Box Office – FOX News
Saw II Wins Box Office Battle of the Blades – 580 CFRA Radio, Canada
‘SAW’ A BOX-OFFICE SLASH – New York Post

As if Rocky I, II, III, IV, and V were merely meant to whet your appetite for pugilistic parable, Sylvester Stallone has announced his intention to bring Rocky VI to a cineplex near you. The former star of Rambo (and current member of AARP) is set to write, direct, and star in the next installment of the Rocky series, almost thirty years after the original hit the big screen. BBC News was kind enough to share this brief plot summary:

The new movie will show Rocky as an ageing, lonely has-been in Philadelphia who is reluctant to come out of retirement.

Judging from this rather pointed synopsis, Stallone won’t have to rely too much on his imagination when writing the screenplay.

Stallone back in ring for Rocky 6 – BBC News

As we pee our collective pants in anticipation of tomorrow’s announcement, Media Absurdum would like to point out that our past coverage of this topic was in keeping with current speculation. No information (to our knowledge) has claimed any other actor’s interest or recruitment for the role. That said, we still question the choice.

No one in the United States knows Daniel Craig; unlike Pierce Brosnan, he didn’t benefit from the mass exposure that accompanies nostalgia-evoking 80s adventure/drama/mystery/dramas. And you have to admit that Craig doesn’t really hold to the traditional Bond look. At an even 6′, he’s got the height, but his receding hairline and crease-riddled skin remind us more of the unpleasantness that was Timothy Dalton as Bond. A-listers are notoriously reluctant to take on the role of such a serialized character, so the decision to sign a virtual unknown shouldn’t come as a surprise. The roster of actors who turned down the part reads like a who’s who of instant rejection: Clive Owen, Colin Firth, Hugh Grant, Ewan McGregor, Eric Bana, Colin Farrell, and Heath Ledger.

Name of James Bond Star to Be Revealed – AP via Yahoo!