Jet-setting and club hopping aren’t the only things on the itinerary for semisocialite Val Ferrier; the bedazzled star of the New York nightlife has set her sights on becoming Gotham’s next “celebutante.” It seems the soon-to-be former student is passing up a life of academic servitude for one of fame and fortune. Ms. Ferrier had this to say about her future in the spotlight:

“I don’t want to be like Paris Hilton or Tara Reid. I want to be the person you look for at a party or a club because you know she’s a fun drunk.”

Fascinating. Like a moth to a flame, we’re drawn to her eccentricity.

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In what can only be described as an act of basic cable benevolence, actress (and we use the term loosely) Tara Reid has been selected as the new host of the recently revived E! series Wild On!. As Ms. Reid continues to make questionable career choices and fades further into obscurity, we ask the question: Will she be missed? With such cinematic classics as Alone in the Dark, Van Wilder and Josie and the Pussycats under her belt, will any aspiring thespian ever be able to fill her vomit-stained shoes? Sarcasm aside, we have to hand it to her; she’s parlayed her partying ways into an actual career. Here’s what E! had to say about it:

“You might think you know her from the myriad magazines highlighting her Hollywood high life, but you are about to experience the real Tara,” the statement said. “We’re no longer the fly on the wall, this time we are on the dance floor, at the bar and even in the penthouses, as we follow the only girl who truly knows how to paint the town (or in this case, the world!) red.”

Remain in a seated position, place your head between your knees and prepare for impact.

Tara Reid to Host Party-Hopping ‘Wild On!’ – ABC News

In a sure sign the Devil walks among us, notorious child rapist/former school teacher Mary Kay Letourneau has wed her longtime victim… er… boyfriend, Vili Fualaau. As a nod to bad taste, the train wreck that is their marriage was showcased on Entertainment Tonight, the new outlet of choice for sexual predators looking to seal the deal. Well, look at is this way: Now we have pestilence, war, famine and death to look forward to.

Ex-teacher weds student – CNN International

Comedian Dave Chappelle is setting the record straight: He is not crazy. The Comedy Central golden child is citing the pressures of his new-found fame and the constant demands required of his time and talent for his whirlwind trip to South Africa. The rumors questioning his sanity most likely stemmed from one forty-minute session with a psychiatrist. Chappelle’s bosses assert the star had “complete creative freedom” on the set and his departure was not spurred by any unwelcome network intervention. Chappelle plans on returning to the show, but no details were given as to when.

Dave Chappelle Says He’s Not Crazy – ABC News

Related Post(s):
I’m Tired, Bitch!

I’m Tired, Bitch!

May 6, 2005

Basic cable ratings-getter Dave Chappelle has effectively halted production on his eponymous sketch comedy show. In a recent announcement, Comedy Central stated that production was suspended on the series and that the premiere of the third season is postponed until further notice. Such an abrupt announcement is garnering all sorts of speculation: Some say illness is to blame, others say Chappelle went AWOL from the set and still more believe exhaustion was the culprit. Whatever the result, loyal fans will have to settle for more of season two, due May 24th on DVD.

I’m Rick James, bitch!

‘Chappelle’s Show’ uproar – New York Daily News

Acting Is Hard

May 3, 2005

Lara Croft portrayer and alleged homewrecker Angelina Jolie is threatening to leave the silver screen. Jolie reportedly told friends that she is considering quitting the biz because she “doesn’t need the money or the hassle.”

The 29-year-old actress is also concerned about the way her Hollywood lifestyle is affecting baby Maddox.

Our question: When did “Hollywood lifestyle” become a euphemism for “acting like a giant whore?” Sources close to the star disclosed this vital information:

“She wants to do more work and spend time with her son so she’ll at least take a long break.”

Legs together, Angie. Legs together.

‘Hassled’ Jolie May Quit
– Sky News

Gigli-riffic!

May 3, 2005

Tempting the fates doesn’t appear to be an issue for Hollywood power couple Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz. The oh-so-pretty pair are lending their voices to the third installment of the Shrek franchise. The film, due out in summer 2007, features the return of Diaz as Princess Fiona and animation aspirant Timberlake as the voice of a young King Arthur. Mixing business with pleasure has proven less than lucrative for real-life lovebirds in the past, but who can say the titillating twosome will still be together in 2007? Long live J-Cam!

Timberlake takes Shrek part
– Ireland Online