Five Reasons Tom Cruise is Dating Katie Holmes
April 28, 2005
Box office heavyweight Tom Cruise is robbing the cradle: At age 26, new girlfriend Katie Holmes is 16 years his junior. Why the sudden interest in the twentysomething Dawson’s Creek alum? Media Absurdum brushed the dust off its thinking cap and came up with a few ideas:
1.) He wants to find out what James Van Der Beek is really like.
2.) Scientology demands the strict adherence to textbook examples of midlife crisis.
3.) He saw her boobies in The Gift.
4.) He unwittingly strayed from his plan to date only Latina actresses, confusing Holmes’ hometown of Toledo, Oh. with its Spanish counterpart.
5.) Cruise is 42 and worried the term “fag hag” will soon take on a literal meaning.